1. My fur is anti-allergenic 
  2. I am a natural redhead
  3. The mere sight of cargo shorts will trigger a fit of rage
  4. Jack Link’s great grandfather, Chris, first spotted me on a moonlit night in northern Wisconsin and mistook me for a gorilla
  5. I am allergic to maple trees, but I love to climb maple trees, which is a problem 
  6. I can run at more than 35 miles per hour 
  7. I can scamper to the top of a 100-ft oak tree inside 15 seconds 
  8. The smell of patchouli will trigger a fit of rage 
  9. The first hiker that ever messed with me spent several months in a full-body cast and to this day walks with a severe limp but, we’re cool now
  10. My best friend is a salmon named Gary 
  11. I subsist on a diet of nuts, berries, and peat moss. Were I to eat Jack Link’s Jerky, I would likely prefer Teriyaki 
  12. My thumbnails are sharp enough to slice open a can of baked beans 
  13. I can drink 7 gallons of fresh stream water in less than a minute 
  14. The sound of prog rock will trigger a fit of rage 
  15. Sometimes I choose to hibernate, other times I go to Florida 
  16. I like pinecones, because they make me laugh 
  17. I once modeled for a community college life drawing class 
  18. I can perfectly mimic the calls of a Western Moose (a species I like to tease and wrestle) 
  19. I can hurl a190-lb man the length of two football fields 
  20. I do not like squirrels. I find them…shifty 
  21. If you don’t mess with me, I won’t mess with you


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